Fw: Ode to Bacon

So a few weeks ago, I turned down a 2 AM invitation for bacon (there was a snow storm and it was 2 AM), arguing that Tivo surpasses bacon as a focal point of ultimate satisfaction. Today, I wake up to find the following dialogue in my inbox.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Maria Alvarez
Date: Mar 23, 2007 1:47 AM
Subject: Ode to Bacon
To: nogaboga

Ryan, is it true that if a person has Tivo,Tivo surpasses bacon as the focal point of ultimate satisfaction.

No...what the hell is Tivo?

Something on the TV...

Do you eat it off of the TV?

I'm not sure, but I think it is a source of instant gratification.

Does it cook bacon? Because bacon satisfies - but you have to slow cook it. Bacon is the world. Bacon is life. Bacon is the ultimate focal point of satisfaction.

Who would eat Tivo if they have bacon?

No one I know, it was just a random thought...should we call J.C. and Noga over for some bacon and a bottle of Makers Mark?

No, pigs don't live north of Kentucky, and I doubt Israel has pigfarms. Who drinks Makers Mark outside of Kentucky?

How do you know Israel doesn't have pigs on the kibbutz communities? Besides, we're north of Kentucky. I have been known to drink Makersand I have never even been to Kentucky, well, if you don't count thatyear I threw up mint julips on the owners of that horse called Sea Biscuit.

Are you sure Kentucky is north?

Well, yes, north and a little west. Israel is across the big pond.

When did you work on a kibbutz?

I didn't. Did I say I did?

What time is it?

It's Friday right about now. They may be playing pool...I'll call them.

Tell them Bacon is the world. Bacon is life. Bacon is the ultimatefocal point of satisfaction. Tivo is a false imitation. Like soy bacon.

Really...besides, Tivo sounds like a communist leader.

Do we have enough for the cab?

Why? can't you drive?

I didn't drive...we're in your car...and I couldn't drive even if I were in my car. Besides I can't read the numbers on my cell phone tocall the cab or Noga or J.C.

That settles it. I can't drive, but I will...and I will cook the bacon.

Taste this, what could be better? Who would, or could, possibly disagree that bacon is the world?

No one I know.

Beware of false idols.