Sociobiology II

An incident from Thursday night got me thinking about the role of female socialization in our perceptions of power.
Here's what happened: We were out with a couple of friends, and one guy kept making comments toward Jen and I and trying to engage in some kind of flirting with us, though we were there with Ryan and another male friend. About an hour into the evening, after he approached me and commented about my "sexy accent", Ryan told him to back off. The guy went to his friends and starting talking loudly about Ryan's comment, and we left shortly after, realizing that if we stayed it will end up in a physical fight.

I always found it difficult to understand why guys engage in physical violence, but after talking with Ryan some more, I think I have a better idea. I explained to Ryan the way most women handle these situations: If a guy in a bar is seeking our company but not to a dangerous or offensive degree, and if we realize that we are going to be in each other's proximity for a while (as in - in the same bar), we will blow him off gently with niceties. It will take a lot for me to say to someone "please leave me alone, I'm not interested"; I'm more likely to sweetly say something like "would you excuse my friend and I, we are in the middle of something". If someone is completely out of line, I will say "please leave me alone", and if that doesn't work, I will leave the place. (Emily and I had to do it once - remind me to tell you the story about that guy when I see you, dear reader.)

The point being, even if someone is completely out of line, I will never consider engaging in physical violence. Is it because I know that I am obviously going to lose the fight, being smaller and weaker than the average guy? Would I have been more drawn to doing that - or thinking about it - if it weren't for my size? Would all women? There are teenage cultures in which girls engage in physical fights with each other no less than the boys. Are we all the same in our aggressive tendencies, but being a woman, I have learned long ago that those tendencies are useless and will get me nowhere, and I'm better off mastering the more nuanced social verbal skills to get rid of an eager guy in a bar? Ryan said he could have killed that guy. Is that a tendency I could have felt had I been socialized as someone with physical strength?